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What to do when love happens before all the boxes are checked.

Apr. 14, 2022 .4 min read

What do I do when I love a man but he doesn’t meet all my requirements? Or I just met a lady who doesn’t have all I want, and I’m falling for her already?

This is a phenomenon that sometimes surfaces in our world, and no gender is left out. This is especially true when we hear the words “Love at first sight.” By the way, I need to mention that most people usually have a list (written/unwritten) that whoever will be their partner is expected to check before it proceeds at all. The content of this list varies from one person to another, and so does the order of the items on the list. It is not uncommon to have affections for someone who, from first and careful observation, appears to leave one or more of the list unchecked. How should a man/woman respond to this?

Remember that emotions are already on the run, but the will is calling back to the place of logic. What should you do if you find yourself in this state?

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\ \ First of all, we need to talk about your list. What is on your list, and what is the reason behind every item on that list? For some people, the items on the list are more material while for others, it is more of actions. The reason behind these items will go a long well to tell if that list should exist, how possible it is to have someone check all the boxes and the order of importance of the items.

Was it Nollywood, Bollywood, or Hollywood that influenced your list? Is it your family and friends? Is it your past or your future? Is it your belief or faith? Could it be that you wrote those things because of the examples around you? Whatever might be the reason for each item on the list needs to be evaluated. Ideally, the requirements we should seek must be such as will give us the kind of future we look forward to. You should focus more on who a person is than what he/she has. Your list should be a good tool to X-ray a person’s tendencies and capabilities from his/her current actions. I must admit that you need to be able to discern rightly.

Secondly, are you your own spec? The caliber of people the shop at a mall is not the same as those that patronize roadside hawkers. Asides from class, the quality of goods in a mall is still more reliable than those at the roadside. If you weigh yourself on your own scale (the list), do you pass for who you’re looking forward to having as a partner?

As much as opposite sides attract, a monkey will not seek a banana on a cashew tree. Are you worth the person you are looking for? If you are, then you’ll forget the one that your emotions need to be running for at the moment and patiently wait till the real comes. If you’re not, wisdom will teach you to work towards becoming who your list describes before going into any relationship lest you shoot yourself in the leg, disregarding the butterflies in your belly. (Be reminded that the lifespans of butterflies are very short.)

Lastly, if you’re sure your list contains the right things, and you’re worth the person on it, you need to calmly and firmly teach yourself to understand that Love is not feelings. The clichés “I fell in love” or “It was love at first sight” have more negatives than positives. What exactly is love? Love is not a feeling, it is not running emotions, it is not I-can’t-do-without-you, it is not even he-is-my-spec. Love is an action word. It is a commitment. It is, in this context, a decision to proceed on a lifetime journey with someone else. It is a decision to overlook a multitude of sins, knowing that every man is a work-in-progress. It is not only about what you do now, it is a decision that affects your entire life and all there is to you.

Permit me to ask again; Is it love or just running emotions?


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